February 1, 2014

Today

Today was a beautiful day. The sky was cloudless. The weather was warm for a moment. The possibilities seemed endless.

Planning for my day today, I imagined starting in a coffee shop, perusing thrift stores, and finding hidden treasure for my new home, that I could work on restoring to show its true beauty.

Other fantasies were Walter and I going hard to work, tackling several projects and accomplishing so much, getting us closer to our new home.

Yes, today was a beautiful day.

But today, I just felt this uncontrollable urge to cry. So I did.

No amount of comfort could stop my tears. Only time.

It wasn't anything anyone said. It could have been due to the lack of sleep I had for the past few nights. It could have been due to the hard blows life has dealt as of late. It could have just been mood swings.

I think all of that probably had something to do with it.

But it could have also been that this "project" we've taken on, this choice to do it all ourselves (sometimes, I don't think it's as much as a choice as we don't have many other options), is hard. There are moments when I am happy and love it. Then, there are moments when I feel so overwhelmed that I don't see how we will ever accomplish it.

I know we will. It's just sometimes, it feels like we won't. As a person who likes to dive in and tackle obstacles and see extreme results. This remodeling stuff just doesn't yield. For every major project, there are at least twenty menial tasks that have to be done first, leaving me frustrated. It's as if we are climbing a never ending staircase, keeping us from reaching our destination.

When I stepped into our garage and saw piles of trim still full of nails, covered in heavy paint then, took in the sight of old doors I hoped to be walking through soon lying on their sides, I just felt so frustrated. I felt like we've gotten no where.

Then, I stepped into the house and saw the floor that Walter removed last month. The walls that had been taken down together. I walked back to the garage stepped to a stack of trim that had all the nails removed. I stared down at the garage floor as I took in all the rusty nails that my husband had pulled out. To make me happy. Because the truth is, I have these moods more than I'd like. These moods where I feel like my dreams are only that, dreams.

But then, I remember when we first got married, I told Walter my dream. To have a house. Because I'd never had lived in a house. So, now we have two. My past self would have never thought that would ever come true. But it has. And together, we'll make this dream come true too.

Today was a beautiful day, it began with breakfast and coffee with my husband. Then, we perused the garage for some hidden treasures for our house. We grabbed an old door, and with Walter's lead, we began scraping off the old chipped paint in order to show it's true beauty. Revealing a hidden treasure. Together.

4 comments :

  1. I could only imagine how overwhelming the house project is...bless your heart.
    It is a hugh task. One day at a time ~ one project at a time it will soon be home
    sweet home.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. Your encouragement means a lot, in the reconstruction venture and in the blogging venture! So glad I discovered your blog and met a new friend.

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    2. aw so sweet..I am so glad you found my blog..and for a new friend as well.

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  2. You learned a tough but wonderful lesson today: you can only do so much in a day. Set that reachable goal, make it happen, and you're gonna feel good when it's done! Time will pass more quickly that way, too, and the whole project won't seem like such a long, hard task! I know you know I'm no expert, but trust me (and yourself) on this. ;D

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